CONFLICT RESOLUTION

 

Recently when attending the funeral of a dear friend and neighbour at Deane Church I picked up a parish magazine. I was greatly impressed by an article by the Rector, the Rev. Ian Mainey who has generously allowed me to share his work with you.

 

The article is about a bitter disagreement between a minister and his church. as a result not only had the minister resigned but also the youth worker, the church administrator, the treasurer, the organist and the magazine editor. On top of this the congregation had dwindled from over 300 to around 40. as a parting shot the minister wrote an article in the church magazine in which he condemned those who he believed had been disruptive in the life of the life of the church.

 

Ian comments that the article was written as a form of revenge rather than to set the record straight. Instead he suggests the following principle as being more helpful in restoring one’s relationship with others and more importantly with God.

 

1 Recognise your weak spots. Most people tend to be sensitive in the areas of their life where they feel vulnerable. Hence when talks about something we know we are vulnerable about and shows a lack of grace and understanding we are tempted to respond in anger. That’s why we need to recognise our weak spots, because when we have recognised them we are more likely to be able to control our response. We need God’s spirit to work within us so that we do not respond with anger, an unforgiving spirit or bitterness.

2 Resist the first impulse. Avoid fantasies of revenge.

3 Admit your guilt. In Deuteronomy 32.25 God instructed the people through Moses “It is mine to avenge I will repay. In due time their foot will slip; their day of disaster is near and their doom rushes upon them.” it’s good for us to remember that judgement belongs to God not to us. Instead of thinking about revenge in an attempt to participate in God’s judgement we need to think that perhaps we have not been perfectly righteous in our own actions.

4 Don’t go public. No matter how wronged we feel. No matter how great is the temptation. The public forum is not the place to confront a critic. It may lead to a biased presentation of one side of the story without giving the other person the chance to put their side of the events. This is the mistake made by the minister mentioned above.

5 Forgive one step at a time. Experience shows us that forgiveness is not something we can do all at once. The length of the forgiveness process is usually proportionate to the severity of the pain. Small conflicts can usually be handled quickly. But when the hurt is great forgiveness can take along time, years even. Even when you think that you have reached the point of forgiveness something can happen which pushes a trigger so that you realise that you haven’t really come to terms with what has happened. Praying for the person involved can be a way of opening our hearts to them.

6 Speak about the person to others. It’s important to speak well of them. When you speak positively about someone you are pushed towards reconciliation. Positive words on the lips work on the feeling in the heart. Ease of words also acts as a gauge on one’s level of forgiveness - the easier they flow the further along the forgiveness process you have gone.

 

It is certainly difficult to master all of this. However, the story of the minister above reminds us that forgiveness is easy to speak of but difficult to do.

 

Finally, Ian Mainey reminds us that when we begin to bathe in God’s forgiveness for us, when we begin to fathom the extent of God’s love in Jesus, forgiveness of others is a natural outflow.

 

I hope you find this article as useful as I did. I plan to circulate it to friends and family by whom I may need to be forgiven or there may even be some whom I need to forgive!

 

Rosalind Seddon  

Christmas Quiz

 

Once again sincere thanks are due to Mrs Hilary Pickering for all the hard work entailed in devising our Christmas Quiz. This year a total of £70 was given to the Organ fund and I feel I must thank also Trevor Whillas who for many years has sold copies to his friends and work colleagues and helped raise the amounts by a considerable sum.

 

Our winners this year were Vera and Alan Bailey, Hilary Draper, and Brenda and Arnold Pearson.

 

With many thanks to all who supported the quiz, your contributions are greatly appreciated.

 

Jane Hampson